A former teenage author turned twenty and her stabs at writing life and living to write.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

No title. Titles don't matter I suppose. They're like the superficial layer to a human soul, the peel of an orange. Still, they attract the crowds. But they give nothing away as to what lies inside.

I've been contemplating so much lately. I've moved from home, started my own life, and am trying to live it. I really am. But it's difficult. I would far rather be doing something for others than concentrating on my own goals. It's not unselfish. Selfish if anything.

I think the whole campus atmosphere is a fascinating place. I say this partially sounding idiotic. However, luckily, I understand that fact. No wonder people write so many books, produce so many movies, detail so many self-help pamphlets about high school/college life. It's really a mess. Everyone is trying to fit in, find a speck of happiness in what is virtually a zoo. Really, every social gathering is a mess of people literally jumping on top of each other trying to be heard, to be recognized. It seems like a waste to me. But what do I know? I do it too. Because it's the way to find friends... apparently.

Going to college means becoming a completely whole person. We learn to rely less on our parents and family and neighbors. It's a selfish venture really. We come to socialize (for most it's to find a husband), take classes, advance OUR learning so WE can develop OUR OWN careers and individualistic traits. I'm not saying it's bad necessarily. Just selfish.

This post really has nothing to do with anything. Really. I often wonder why I write them. Do they help me somehow decide what I'm feeling? Are they in any way speaking to someone reading them? No clue. All I know is I write them and post them and gather them up so someday I can look back through them all and wonder at my life (or cry about it... either way).

I want to close by testifying of the Savior. The Savior and His plan for us. I'm not sure why I'm here, why it was necessary for my to break my ACL weeks before moving on campus. I'm not exactly sure why I never had the opportunity of a normal High School life. I honestly don't know. But I believe He is wielding his ultimate wisdom for my behalf. And that's enough for now.

I'll laugh because I can. Dream because I should. And live because I'll never get a second chance!!

Goodnight America!!

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